Primary

Oprah Winfrey recently conducted a series of interviews about childhood trauma. On the 60 Minutes broadcast she learned about “trauma-informed care”, an approach to facilitating healing and correcting behavior in adults and children. On a special web exclusive available after the broadcast, Winfrey remarked that the investigation was the most impactful exploration she’s ever experienced.  The life-changing broadcast taught her not only how to consider what has happened to a person when trying to understand and break through their behavioral barriers, but also the importance of relationships in facilitating healing.

Winfrey remarked that her relationship with her fourth grade teacher helped to facilitate her own healing from a traumatic childhood. She went on to recount how school became the primary place where she experienced acceptance, value, love.

Photo by Celia Ortega on Unsplash

In 2007, Winfrey opened the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls - South Africa. I suspect that the school was born out of Winfrey’s own desire to perpetuate the love she experienced. It seems we always circle back to the places where we feel validated.

School. Work. Disney World. Church. In the arms of a man or woman. Grandma’s kitchen. These places, experiences, foster thoughts and habits that influence who we reveal ourselves to be later in life. Today, Winfrey holds many titles as a media mogul and is also known as a woman who advances female education.

Who are you when you circle back to your primary place? Does your primary place need to change so that you can positively influence the world?

Disciplined in Hearing His Voice

At the end of each class, my dog was usually identified as the one needing a little extra attention from the trainer.  While the trainer taught lessons, my dog often ran in place to the point of exhaustion or tried to earn the attention of other dogs so that they could play together.  My dog is a lot of fun… and she’s still not disciplined solely because of me! Ha!

I remember one of the first lessons we dog owners learned.  We were instructed to stop talking to our dogs. Filled with affection, we often talk to our dogs constantly, about everything.  With all the information coming from us, dogs often tune us out -- unable to discern what’s important to hear.  The trainer explained that in order to effectively communicate commands that our dogs will adhere to, we owners must only communicate with them when the information is important and when there’s something that the dogs must do in response.

Nearly every other week I minister God’s kind thoughts and intentions to others in the Body of Christ.  I don’t always hear something new from God for myself with the same frequency. I consider these “dry spells” periods where I am not worthy of God’s attention. That’s a lie. God’s silence is not a punishment, but rather one way that he disciplines those he loves into accepting the gravity of the truth he shares and responding to his words in kind.

My declaration:

“God’s silence is not a punishment. He is disciplining me - his beloved - into accepting the truth in his words and responding to his carefully curated promises with hope, newfound elements of identity, and love.”

Friends, you are his sons and daughters.  He doesn’t hate you.  He loves you!  His silence is a method for preparing you to receive and accept his words and direction.  When the words come, they will land securely in the tenderized places of your heart. You will be transformed.  Your inner life will receive an upgrade and you will see God’s hand on your outer circumstances. Wait on his words.

Excerpt | The Discipline of Hearing --- Oswald Chambers

"Are you in the dark right now in your circumstances, or in your life with God? If so, then remain quiet. If you open your mouth in the dark, you will speak while in the wrong mood— darkness is the time to listen. Don’t talk to other people about it; don’t read books to find out the reason for the darkness; just listen and obey. If you talk to other people, you cannot hear what God is saying. When you are in the dark, listen, and God will give you a very precious message for someone else once you are back in the light."

Encouragement | Your Standing (Graham Cooke)

Lots of Rules, But No Discipline

My mom and I listened as Janna* detailed the challenges of her work at a local private school.  As a teacher’s aide, she was directed to monitor school-aged children but never to interrupt their behavior. If a dissatisfied child was hitting a classmate with a wooden block, Janna was not allowed to use her hands to grab the block and stop the hitting. Additionally, there were no consequences to dole out to the child for hitting a classmate.  She also detailed that an enrolled infant could not cry for more than 1 minute, even if the classroom teacher was occupied with soothing another child.  School administrators delivered “violation” notices to teachers if they reprimanded children or if infants were caught crying for more than 60 seconds.  Each violation resulted in a permanent rebuke in a teacher’s employment record.  At the end of the retelling Janna remarked, “There are lots of rules, but no discipline.”

Her final statement drove home the sentiment that although the school employed a long list of rules (aimed at teachers) for maintaining classroom learning environments that met parental expectations and institutional standards, students were never disciplined into acceptable forms of social behavior. The thought caused me to reflect on my encounters with rules and discipline.

We apply rules to our diets, physical activity regimens, dating behaviors and spousal preferences, financial management, Bible reading, and other elements of our daily lives. Yet, we consistently fall short of maintaining allegiance to these rules because we have not been disciplined into authentic alignment with what works best for us. We eat past 9pm and abandon our morning workouts after 14 days. We spend too much money Labor Day weekend, and forget to keep up with our devotional readings (despite reminders from the Bible App).  Even Paul remarked, “I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead I do what I hate” (Romans 7:15).

Although the word “discipline” invokes relation to abuse and control, the Bible says that the Lord disciplines those He loves (Hebrews 12:6). I believe that the enemy has contaminated our appetite for discipline to keep us stuck in a cycle of determining rules for ourselves and failing to meet them, leading us to feel shame and to hide from God. And when we hide from God, we stop inquiring about his best for us.

As I walk out freedom from rebellion, will I trust the Lord to discipline me?  Will you trust the Lord to discipline you in every dimension of your life? Will you invite him in?

*name changed