Thursday, May 30, 2019

The Experience of Him

I watched his face contort into helpless confusion. My husband couldn't understand where my tears were coming from. They were LOUD. I did not heave, but rather I wore a steady stream of large tears since the end of the church service. The tears began inside the sanctuary. God whispered, "Let me allow you to experience a fraction of the love I have for my people." I looked around the room and saw light reflecting off each face. My heart began to feel both heavy and light all at once. I thought, "I can't even handle a fraction. His love, THIS LOVE, runs deep."  

After the service, as the tears continued to flow, I sat in the car while my husband conducted Sunday business as usual (i.e. a trip to the farmer's market for his stew ingredients). My heart stewed on God's MAGNITUDE. I was humbled that he would allow me to experience a tangible expression of his great love, and awed by my newfound awareness of the depth of his care. 

That booster shot of goodness has empowered me for weeks on end. 

I don't remember anything about the sermon that week, but I can still conjure up my heart posture when God encountered me. If passive fellowship with believers can facilitate such a transformational experience, how much more can I grab when I'm intentional about experiencing God on Sunday morning. 

Wednesday, February 27, 2019

About A Heart

My husband is the head of my household... and I am the heart.  We are indistinguishable in stature, influence, and vitality for this partnership.

When making decisions that impact our partnership, I often think --- what would a heart do?  How does a heart respond?

Today, God laid something on me. 

He said, "A heart knows how to love a thing into submission."

I look forward to unpacking that truth. 

In the meantime, I'm going to work on loving my husband to death! 😝

Sunday, February 24, 2019


Proverbs 24:5-6
A wise man has great power,
     and a man of knowledge increases strength;
for waging war you need guidance,
     and for victory many advisers.

As the anchor of TRUTH lowers in my torso,  I experience waves of lies crashing throughout my chest.  Upon their displacement, I weep. Although TRUTH is finding its resting place, I'm not. I am anxious, fearful, and angry. Tension vibrates within me. I know I'm at war.

There are beliefs I hold - about my worth, placement, dreams - that set themselves up in opposition to God's truth (2 Corinthians 10:5). And once God's TRUTH is revealed to me, I must carefully consider my next moves; if I continue to contradict God's truth in word or deed, I am setting myself up to experience illness like never before. And not just a bodily sickness, but an intense ache in my spirit and soul that can only be cured in the depths of intimacy with God.

Most days I need help unpacking the vastness of GOD and LOVE and GOODNESS. I need help experiencing His depths and connecting His heart to mine. God's word tells me I need guidance and advisers to win the war.

Today's advisers include ---

  • MY JOURNAL --- My quiet times with God have produced some enriching content! I read past entries, filled with scripture reflections and prayer, and am encouraged.
  • FRIENDS --- My committed friends (i.e. those with roots in Christ) are filled with wisdom. I challenge myself to tell the truth about my current war, and to be humble enough to receive their sound advice.
  • MENTORS --- I am connected to wise men and women in real life, but many of my mentors have never met me. I follow them on social media, read their books, and listen to their podcasts. I trust them because the fruit of their labor looks, smells, and tastes like the good God that I know.
I take doses of these advisers as required to strengthen me for daily confrontations and battles. 
Who or what advises you when you're in the war? Who or what should be added?

Monday, February 4, 2019


Today I prayed --- "God I'm ready, because I'm not ready. I have to totally lean on you. I trust you. Have your way."

The utterance was a helpful reminder.  This is not about me and its not done in my strength and abilities. Each day, I must give myself over to God so that His will may be done in my life. 

When was the last time you acknowledged that God is in control?

Thursday, January 31, 2019

Saturday, January 26, 2019

Cultivating Patience

As I strengthen my own communication skills, I am able to hear more deeply. Even brief conversations with strangers tell me a lot about their worldview. During a train ride, a young commuter asked if he should release balloons in honor of a miscarried child. During a plane ride, a gentleman expressed his doubts about the acceptance of interracial dating. And during a recent bus shuttle ride, the driver shared "I don't believe people should live together before marriage. If you can't be patient before marriage, then how can you be a good spouse? You have to be even more patient when you're married and have kids."

Photo by Jeremy Thomas on Unsplash

It seems I make myself a "listening" target during public outings (LOL!). 

But that most recent encounter struck an internal chord. Is God using my present circumstance to cultivate something required for where I want to be? 

This morning, my husband shared that his job is teaching him to be humble. I've recognized that my own work circumstance teaches me patience. Humility and patience are required for us to love people well. And deep down, we just want to be good lovers.

Is God challenging you to mature in a specific area of your life so you can be the best in the next place you'll be? Name it. Write it down. Find scriptures about it. Pray those scriptures to God and say "me too".

I will be patient in affliction (Romans 12:12). I know that a woman who is patient has great understanding (Proverbs 14:29). Thank you for imparting understanding to me. I will be still as you fight for me, Lord (Exodus 14:14). I will wait patiently for you (Psalm 37:7).