November 2012
Dedicated to the single Christians out there, and those yearning for more intimacy with the Father
We had spent many nights Skyping and talking on the phone but still no
clarity. I was disappointed when I asked
him to let me know where this was going and he said that he just wanted to be
friends. I woke up later that night
telling myself to cry, to just let it out.
As I stood on my balcony, the tears did not come. The only thing I felt was relief.
A week prior to confronting my “friend”, I watched a sermon series by
Andy Stanley entitled “New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating”. In the final part, Andy encouraged listeners
to take a year off from dating to “become the person you’re looking for is
looking for”. So the day after my
balcony moment, I started my year off. The
year is currently in progress. Here are a few vignettes that I hope you can relate
to. I must admit, this year is becoming
less about transforming into wife-material and more about intimacy with
God. Welcome to my journey.
The Kite Story
Daddy, is this a set up? My
friends and I had reached the top of Stone Mountain in Georgia. There were kites flying way up high. It suddenly occurred to me that I had never
flown a kite before. Sarah said that I
should put it on my list of things to do during my year off. Yes! The
very next day, my coworker, who was moving to a new city, was downsizing from
her trunk. She handed me a pair of shoes
and (coincidentally) three kites!
I realized that God was not only concerned with my “ministry-centered” development
but also with my fun adventures. Maybe I
did miss tithe payments and did not volunteer to help out with children’s
ministry when I was definitely available.
Maybe I did not spend enough time reading the Word last week. Yet, he did not hide from me. He showed up in a happy coincidence that
spoke to my nerdy heart. The kites were
better than flowers on Valentine’s Day.
He heard and he responded. And
not just with one kite but with three.
Talk about abundance! (John
10:10 ESV)
Imagination
Daddy, I hurt. I was lying down on my living room floor with
my eyes closed and arms straight up in the air.
In my mind, I was sitting in God’s lap.
We were chest to chest so that our hearts were near each other. I imagined hearing his heart beat in sync with
mine. I began to whisper in his
ear. I told him that I was disappointed
that my parents divorced. I revealed my
fear that I would never get married. It
seemed that no Christian man would ever take the time to get to know me, want
to have fun (rollercoasters and mini-golf), and initiate righteousness in a
relationship. Sigh. I told him that I had no idea what my next
career move would be or how I would ever finish paying back my student
loans. I told him that I wanted to live
free and be whole. I told him that I
loved him with my whole heart and that I would never stop chasing him.
He told me that I was his. And
that his thoughts towards me were those of peace, love, and prosperity. I learned that I was a woman of joy and that
my gifts included teaching and healing. He
told me that I was not lost in the crowd but that he has had his eye on me
since I was in the womb. I actually
caught a glimpse of him looking down at me when I was a little girl with big
hair puffs. He told me that when I was
lonely, there was a place for me in heaven to come and play.
Since then, I have imagined walking down the beach with Jesus, enjoying
a swing in a park with God, and sitting atop the Great Sphinx of Giza with
Jesus in a beach chair beside me. My
imagination led me right into fellowship with God. (And let me tell you this, the more I use it for
intimacy with the Father, the less room there is to entertain past regrets and
sexual fantasy.)
This Is On Purpose
Lord, I want to have sex! I am in my mid-twenties, and yes I am a
virgin. Some out there may be
applauding. But seriously, hormones do
not dissipate, no matter how hard I try to pray them away. How can I wait? How come nobody wants to have sex with
me? What is wrong with me? Elise,
this is on purpose. Huh Lord? I had come close to having sex once. I was in grad school and in the throes of one
of the lowest points of my life. I said
no and then for weeks thereafter, I could barely look myself in the
mirror. I was ashamed of the woman who
had come so close to giving her body away, disobeying the edict to honor God
with her body (1
Corinthians 6: 18-20 NIV). In my
recovery period, a friend I confided in said she was proud that in the moment I
was sensitive to the grieving of the Holy Spirit. Hmmmm.
So why does God not want me to enjoy what everyone else (siblings,
godparents, friends, media) thinks I should be doing at least once a day?
He told me that he wants me in this condition in order to accomplish
what he wants me to do. My virginity is
not a default. It is on purpose. I now believe that the outpouring of my gifts
and talents would not be possible if I had joined myself to another through
sex. Even in the context of marriage, my
priorities would be different and probably would not include sitting down to
write an article about my experiences (for instance). This is on purpose. My whole being is on purpose. And guess what, I like it. I like being available to Daddy and sharing
his truth with others. Thank you for my
virginity!
As God showed me purpose, I experienced healing from the shame I was
carrying around. I suddenly remembered a
line from a sermon I heard. The speaker
said that “with God’s restoration, even a prostitute can reclaim her
virginity”. Whoa! I envisioned myself weighted down by a heavy
coat. It was shame and
embarrassment. God took the coat off,
and replaced it with a glowing white cloak of righteousness (Isaiah
61:10 ESV). And as he made the
exchange, I was no longer weighted down but rather floating in front of
him. My pink princess crown was
intact. I can start again.
In The End…
There is so much more to tell.
But I am sure your own journey will bring much revelation. So go fly a kite... and hike a mountain, and
forgive those who have hurt you. Explore
the depths of Daddy’s love through quiet time.
Use your imagination to sit right in his presence and let him lavish you
with healing and spiritual gifts. Allow
God to break things off of your heart. Ask
him about your identity. Let him reveal
to you the secrets related to your purpose.
Observe nature and people, and listen intently for the Holy Spirit to
share valuable insights. Get to know him
as Father, Friend, and Lover. Rest. Play. Love-bathe. Enjoy this romance that you and Daddy are
invested in.
As you delight in your fulfilling romance with God, you will begin to trust
him with the desires of your heart. You will
trust that he will bring you and your partner together in his time. And you will know the contentment that Paul
describes (Philippians
4: 11-12 NIV) - and dare I say happiness
and joy too - as you wait. Make a move
toward his heart. It is accessible and he
does not disappoint.
© December 4, 2012
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