Iyanla Vanzant is sitting down for a chat with Oprah Winfrey for a special on "Super Soul Sunday". In the video, Iyanla clears something up. We all believe that surrender looks weak - a defeated spirit bent over in the fetal position saying "Lord, I give up." Iyanla says that surrender actually looks like us, standing with arms outstretched, looking toward the heavens, saying "Here I am Lord."
And so, here I am, today. I am halfway through a second read of Graham Cooke's "Approaching the Heart of Prophecy". There's an exercise after the first section. Graham asks readers to list the people in our lives who we have a hard time loving. Readers are then asked to detail what makes each person hard to love, how we believe the person perceives us, and what steps we can and will take to show brotherly love. As I began to detail the "grace growers" of my life I noticed a pattern. Each person is hard to love because he or she has rejected me when I have been particularly vulnerable. I respond by backing away, ceasing engagement with the individual. In fact, I hide from the hard to love in my life. I hide.
And it makes sense right? I am hiding because I don't want to be rejected again. I am hiding because I don't feel valuable to him or her. I am hiding because that's easier to do than to exemplify godly, brotherly love.
I asked the Lord to help me. Lord, help me to forgive those who have hurt me. Fix me so that I can be a better Christian. FIX ME. And then another day passes and I feel the same way about him or her. Lord, you didn't fix me!
And so, here I am, today. Just this morning I was going back over the list, asking the Lord for healing and restoration in those relationships - whether that looks like forgiveness or actual friendship development. I remembered something Graham Cooke wrote about prayer.
"Prayer in its simplest form is finding out what God wants to do and then asking Him to do it. When we don't listen before we pray, we end up presenting God with options instead if a request. We'll pray whatever comes to mind instead of entering into communion with Him."
And I heard my spirit cry out, "Lord, yes you may." I don't have any ideas about how to fix me or the relationships. I don't have a formula for being a better forgiver. I am exercising surrender, and saying "Lord, yes you may." Lord you may take me to the depths of spiritual anguish or allow me to experience deliverance in an instant. However you want this to go, "Lord, yes you may."
And so, here I am, today. I am trusting God. I am believing in his faithfulness. I am preparing my heart to receive more of Him. I am believing that He is good, and that everything is working together for my good. He loves me.
