I have a hard time letting things go. I carry around offenses and disappointments for a really long time. Thank the Lord for the Lord! He always steps in to renew my mind.
Recently, I was meditating on a sore area of my past and it began to drag me down. After each meditative minute, the weight on my chest grew heavier and heavier. Ugh!
Then I received an image.
I saw a free bird carrying around the cage she had been previously trapped in. Why in the world would a newly-freed caged bird hold on to her cage?!
And then I realized that I was the bird! Darn it!
The cage is my back-up. "Well God, I'm running this race for you but if things don't work out, I am going back into my cage, back into hiding, where much isn't' required of me." And there's the fear... again!
I was flying over a vast ocean. The living water (that is Christ) filled the ocean with love, joy, peace, and every delight from heaven I could think of. I saw God on the horizon. As I stared, I loosened my grip on the cage. The cage crashed down onto some rocks below and broke up into little pieces that were soon swallowed up by the ocean.
Ok Lord... I get it. I get it. Will I live it though? Will I live like a free bird? Will I dare to soar? Will I keep my eyes fixed on you? Will I trust you as the wind beneath my wings? Do you see me? Will you comfort me? Are you my rest and refuge?
Ok, so this is it. One more 'gain. I am exchanging my bondage for freedom. He's pulling me out. I hear him saying, "Come out here beloved and walk on this water with me. Soar with me. Rest with me. Delight in me, as I delight in you. Let's do this."
Ok, Lord. Let's do this. Give me a minute though to tie my shoes. Teehee!
Jeanine walked into the room and was full of joy. She was enthusiastically awaiting a special word from the Lord. As soon as she sat down, my team went to work. The other two people in the room (let's call them April and Jim) were providing words and visions of comfort. I didn't have my thoughts together yet, but Jim announced to Jeanine that I was baking something special for her. Ha, I was. The Lord was showing me something dark. I saw someone beating Jeanine with a whip! When I told her what I saw, her eyes grew big; she looked shocked. I also saw the Lord stepping in between her and her accuser, rescuing her. I heard the Lord say that her singing during her private worship moments would help to free her.
Jim probed a bit more. He asked Jeanine if the whipping scene resonated with her. In fact, the accuser was her ex-husband. She told us of the relational distress they had been in, and her disappointment now that he had moved on (remarried) and started a family, a family she always wanted.
April asked me to pray. I pressed into the spirit and pulled down the words of comfort and victory that the Lord wanted to share. After I finished praying, Jim, who had pulled up a chair right in front of April and grabbed her hands, prayed some more. In the prayer he asked God to cut off the attack of the enemy and to bring healing. Jim paused in the middle of his prayer. He looked Jeanine in her eyes and announced that he was going to stand in for the men in her life who had hurt her. Jim then asked Jeanine, "Will you forgive us?" Jeanine said she would. We closed out the session and awaited the next appointment.
Jim is fun. At the beginning of our prophetic session he made a joke about receiving text messages from God. Jim is kind. His words are sincere and reflect the Father's heart. Jim is an encourager. When he told Jeanine that I had something special for, it prompted me to ask the Lord to show me more. Jim is like most men I have met during my time on the prophetic team. These men are older gentleman, Caucasian, and so warm and fuzzy it bowls me over! They are strong, they are deep, and they are secure in the Father's love.
I often meet men who are still trying to find themselves. (Let me add that there's nothing wrong with identity exploration. It takes us right into the arms of the Father.) I meet men who need encouragement to be who the Father created them to be. (Again, nothing wrong with that. Alas, I am an encourager.) But, there is something really special, I mean really special, about men who've already found themselves, and the Father, and are able to encourage me! It is refreshing to find a man who doesn't have to prove his masculinity. The men on my prophetic team are strong and tender, reflecting both the masculine and feminine traits of God, and they are not afraid to show it! I love it!
I did not know men like this existed. Seriously. They have changed the way I understand strength, purpose, pastoral care, and fatherly love. I did not know that white men could be so kind. No, seriously. I did not know that older men could be so identity-secure. No, seriously. I did not know that the sensitive man is beautiful. Seriously, I didn't. I am glad that I have caught a glimpse of this. I see what a godly man looks like in later life. And I like it! I look forward to watching my godly man grow into a prized fatherly jewel. In the meantime, I will soak up all I can from these earthly dads and use their wisdom, encouragement, and love to grow into the godly woman God desires me to be.
