"Chasing After You" / "Everything"

#tbt

To Err is Human

I'd say that about every fourth activity I perform is characterized by an error.  Sometimes it's a driving error - like the time I made a left into the lane for oncoming traffic.   Sometimes it's an error at work - like when I mistakenly allowed a lobbyist to use a government computer.  Sometimes it's in the choices I make with money.  And other times, it's in my interactions with people, offending some and showing too little concern for others.  

I am a human being.

In each instance, I pray that any other party involved will demonstrate leniency.  "Officer, I promise I won't conduct that illegal U-turn again.  I'm sorry!!!"

But surprisingly, when it comes to those who've made mistakes that have affected me, I'm less likely to dole out any passes.

I returned home for the Christmas holiday, and after four years at my current place of employment, I'd finally earned enough paid time off for a true extended break. 

Even though I visited my family, I hardly had time to relax.  My sisters and I joke that I am the family pastor, physician, chef, babysitter, maid, chauffeur, mediator, among other titles.  I wear my hats proudly but unfortunately I'm not superwoman.  I'm certain the transition back to my many roles contributed to the painful headache I succumbed to a couple days after Christmas.

I managed to have the house to myself for much needed recovery when my dad and sisters visited other family members in town.  I took the dogs outside to the backyard and rocked back and forth in a patio chair.  The warm winter air held a perfect measure of humidity, and the moments without my name called from various parts of the house felt heavenly.

As I rocked, I scanned the expanse of the house.  I noticed the windows to the hallway bathroom.  I envisioned what the house and land would look like with additions, like a playroom to host the children of relatives who visit.  In that visioning space, I had an encounter.   The Lord told me that grace was covering the house.  Huh?


The voice of the Lord resonated a little more deeply the next time I heard that there was grace covering the house.  The Lord told me that there was grace for forgiveness available and immediately I knew what I had to.

I made a point to release my parents from any offenses I felt had been committed against me.  I've done this before but this time was especially keen.  After saying "I forgive", I no longer felt a compulsion for my parents to perform any activity to right any wrongs.  I am certain that by this act, I have moved myself out of the way for the Holy Spirit to impact their lives.  The unforgiveness I held fueled judgments and condemnation, serving as a hindrance to their freedom.  I look forward to a year full of restoration and honor. 

Unravel | "Let it Happen"

This experience with God is the only time in my life when I've felt an unraveling and a knitting together at the same time.  He is a good Daddy!

In Service

On my return train ride from downtown Atlanta, after enjoying a basketball game with a friend, I encountered God.

Photographer: Daniel Roizer.  Photo retrieved from https://unsplash.com/.

I first noticed the young man about five stops into my trip.  He sat on the floor near the train car doors in an upward fetal position.  Throughout the ride his face remained buried in the palms of his hands.  Clearly, he was burdened.

The clothes he wore were gray and dingy.  He did not wear a coat.  His sandals revealed dry and cracking skin on his feet.  The temperature in Atlanta tonight is below freezing (32 degrees Fahrenheit).

Nestled in front of him was a shallow pillowcase that held his belongings.  As I took inventory of the man, his appearance, and his worldly possessions, I also took notice of his extreme desperation.   And suddenly, I was moved with compassion not only for this gentleman but also for the working mother returning home after a late shift who sat a couple rows down from me, and also for the young man suffering with a mental illness.

I said to myself, "Lord, if I had the money I would hand everyone on this train $1,000 each to help them toward their goals." And as swiftly as He always seems to respond, I heard Him say, "Why don't you start with what you've got."

I had $20 in my pocket.  My friend who attended the basketball game with me had paid me back in cash.  As I neared my final destination, I mustered up a little more courage after each train stop.  With about 45 seconds left until the train arrived at my station, I gently tapped the man on his shoulder.  As he lifted his head toward me, I slid the cash into his hand.  He said, "Thank you ma'am."  With about 30 seconds left until the end of my ride, I stood facing the train doors with my back towards the gentleman.  I heard him say, "Oh, wow!"  And then he yelled, "I mean it..."  I turned and looked at his teary eyes.  He said, "... from the bottom of my heart - thank you."  I replied, "No problem", and departed the train.

If I had more, I would have given it to him.

For the first time in a long time I didn't give out of guilt, but out of compassion.  I gave and I didn't really care what the man would do with the money.  I gave because the Holy Spirit filled me with a measure of brotherly love for him.  I pray that no matter the amount or mode - that is time, talent, or treasure - that I will give when my only compulsion is to exhibit Christ here on earth.