All this time, God has been
doing something in me… and I’ve missed it.
While attending a conference, I had an epiphany. The speaker echoed – “The key to effective
learning is unlearning. We unlearn in
order to mature. We’re maturing so God can trust us with something.”
God does want to trust me with something, but before He can, I have to
learn that He is more concerned with my placement in Him, than in my
performance.
…
I’ve been more concerned with what I am producing externally – that is,
all the products, achievements, and accolades.
I grew up in Brooklyn, NY. Not only was I a smart-alecky kid, I was
also a smart kid. I learned very early
on how to perform. I learned how to
demonstrate academic success. I followed
directions well and earned praise from the adults in my life. I knew how to meet and exceed expectations
from friends, family members, and teachers.
I received love through the filter of striving and work. I tied my
value to my performance.
In recent months, the Lord has asked me to
let the weight of performance, expectation, and achievement fall away.
At the conference, God whispered, “You are not a disappointment. You are loved beyond the limits of
performance. I love you so much that I
want to put an end to your performance mindset.”
For every achievement that I thought I had attained by my own
performance and for my own good, God was (and is) using to cultivate
kingdom-like character so that I can impart kingdom-like influence in the
places he wants to take me. At my New
England boarding school, He was cultivating competence, confidence, character,
and authenticity. In college, He taught
me how to become a global citizen in service to all people. My graduate education kindled a passion for
equity in the quality of life among all people.
My current work experience has cemented leadership qualities in me but
has also uncovered areas of rebellion that have inhibited my influence. My volunteer
experience has shaped my proclivity to engage with people who don’t think or look
like me, a critical character criterion for demonstrating God’s love toward all
people.
It’s not about me.
…
Recently, I’ve found myself frustrated with coworkers and leaders at
work. I have been sowing judgments about
their talents and motivations. I am
performing but not advancing as I’d like.
I’ve responded with rebellion – just like a dissatisfied Israelite. The Lord showed me that work has been my
false religion. I’ve built an altar to
myself in the workplace. My recent
frustrations stem from the fact that my leaders are not equipped to be gods. I’ve elevated them to that place but they’re
only humans. They are poor
representatives of the loving, kind God-head that I long to serve and be loved
by.
I’d like to make an exchange. I
want to exchange my old mindset – the one that tells me to worship work and
performance – with a new one. My
upgraded mindset will direct me to “worship
the Lord my God and serve only Him.”
…
At the end of the conference, God told me: “Apart from anything you’ve
done, you’re a daughter. My daughter.
And in the place where we meet, performance and striving have no value. LOVE
IS THE ONLY CURRENCY I KNOW.”
Ephesians
3:18-19 –
And
may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how
long, how high, and how deep his love is.
May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to
understand fully. Then you will be made
complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.
…
This past weekend, a teenager shared a vision with me. She said that she saw me as an eagle,
soaring. She said that I was being freed
from something. She was right. I am being freed from the destructive lie
that I must earn love through my performance.
Thank you Lord for loving me enough to set me free! Thank you Lord for cultivating character in
me for kingdom purposes. Thank you Lord
for loving me without an agenda but completely on purpose. Thank you Lord for allowing me to be in your love. How excellent is the Lord!
