...throw rocks at them! You've seen the poster right?
In high school and college, anytime a boy did something we women didn't like, all the ladies could simply refer to the poster. There was the answer. Boys are stupid and are deserving of a painful throttle to the noggin!
When I delve into the tough places of forgiveness, I am staring at the figures of men who have offended me. I want to write them off as stupid, nonsensical, incompetent.
The equation goes Elise > man. I guess that is how I manage the pain I have experienced as a result of my encounters with them. "You can't hurt me. You don't matter. You're not important. You're stupid." (There's that wall of unforgiveness that entraps me.)
Then God reminds me that men are kings. They too are created in his image and likeness.
My request - "Lord, show me who these men are to you." He reveals each man's humanity, importance, and strength. I see reflections of God. Reconciliation is not possible in every circumstance but I can still extend forgiveness. My hope is that it not only frees me, but also each man to become exactly who God says he is.
Warning: This post contains content that some may consider to be TMI. Reader discretion is advised.
I think I am going through puberty again. Yes, you read that right. I said again.
I remember all too well the awkward moments in middle school when the hormone rush was beginning. Boys were just so silly. Bra shopping was just so cool. I remember the day "my friend" appeared, and the congratulations call I received from my grandpa. (I still can't believe my mother told him!)
I think I am going through phase 2 however. I know I'm turning 26 in a couple months but something is happening!!! Here's how I know something is up:
- I remember being teased about my flat hiney. (Let me note here that for a black girl, such teasing can be traumatic lol.) But now, I am the proud owner of a serious booty! I have even named her. Don't judge me.
- I have hips! Where they came from? My mama.
- The girls up top are fuller. Much fuller.
- My hair is growing like crazy. It's so full! I was talking to my coworker about it and she asked if I was pregnant! HAHA... no ma'am! I Googled why my hair could be growing in like this and the big answer was hormones.
- I build muscle and store fat differently. This causes problems when I am trying to get my workout on lol.
- My body smells different. When I'm just out of the shower or finishing up some cardio, I just don't smell the same as I did a few years ago. What in the world?
Apparently, this happens to women throughout their lives. We experience hormonal shifts all the time. In this decade, I think my body is preparing for pregnancy. By enhancing my parts, my body is trying to become more attractive to the opposite sex. (Well this definitely complicates my year off.) And hopefully these hips make childbirth easier!
I recently remarked to a friend that I really like my body now. It's true. I am not as thin as I used to be. But I really like it! And I am at peace with my body's changes, most days.
You know, I was reading through a forum and I read that these changes have happened to women in their early twenties. I am a few years behind the trend. I am always a late bloomer but I couldn't help but think that the delay had something to do with stress in my early twenties. Grad school was trauma! I lost so much weight due to plain old stress and anxiety and worry and anger and frustration and fear and exhaustion and poverty. My body responded by literally shrinking back, trying to protect itself I guess.
Restoration. aha! One of my words for the year. My body missed some milestones between the ages of 22 and 24. It's all being restored now. Not too long ago I asked God to find me. He's revealing me outwardly. I can't wait to see the treasures on the inside.
