Idols

Guiding Word – Proverbs 3 (Trusting in the Lord)

My name is Elise Lockamy and I am an idolater.  Instead of arming myself with the weaponry Paul describes in Ephesians, I pick up false protectors.  These idols prevent me from trusting in my God.  He has highlighted them.  His love is tearing them down.  I will continue to listen for His voice.  Today He says: “Elise, I am forever yours.”

Unforgiveness.  I feel like a chump when I attempt to forgive a person who has wronged me.  I (un-gracefully) bow out of the fight, admitting defeat, feeling like a loser.  The one who holds up the white flag of surrender goes down in history as the coward.  I refuse to go out like that!  And that same refusal to truly forgive provides the perfect soil for bitterness to grow in my heart.  I label the offense, shape it into a brick, and began to build a wall between me and the offender.  Each offense thereafter, however minor to any outsider, gets labeled and added to the wall.

But after a while, the wall that was meant to keep the other person out begins to entrap me.  By not forgiving, I not only forfeit reconciliation with the offender, but also intimacy with Christ.

I saw a picture of this idol one day.  It was a statue of a person I needed to forgive.  Jesus took a jackhammer to it.  I had my own hammer and was swinging at it.  The statue fell.  A hole was left where the statue was erected.  Spiders – huge spiders – began climbing out of the hole.  More forgiveness needed to be doled out.

As the memories of offenses creep up, I label them as spiders, and exercise forgiveness to get rid of them.  The white flag of surrender is not a coward’s symbol, but a symbol of victory.  Christ reigns in my past, present, and future.  He will deal with the offender, in love, just as he deals with me when I am the one who has wronged another.

Money.  I used to balance my checkbook to the penny.  And then God asked me to stop.  I did – but I worried for weeks thereafter.   I used to religiously pay my tithes – not out of worship but of fear of God punishing me for not doing it.  He asked me to stop that too.  He said “obedience is better than sacrifice”. I stopped. 

See, I read in the Word that the love of money is the root of all evil.  When I saw people eager to earn more and spend lavishly, I labeled them worshippers of the green and headed for a path of doom.  I then began to see that in my frugal state, I worshipped money too.  I saw money as an indicator of protection and stability and tried to keep a keen eye on it – always.

My eyes were fixed on the amount of funds in my bank account and not on my provider – Jehovah-jireh.

He asked me to put the money down.  He said: “Worship me.  Look at me.  I will protect you.”  My response: “Well God, what about the times you weren’t there?   What about when I had $0.47 in the bank? And when one parent was out of a job?  And when the woman in the financial aid office laughed at me?  Where was your protection then?” Elise, I kept you and will continue to as long as you let me.  Let go, and let me in. He’s a good Daddy.

Pride.  I was in the shower telling the Lord all I wanted to do.  I came to end of my spiel and said “Lord, I want to save the world.”  He said: “I already did that.”

I have an old soul, a mother’s heart, and grandmotherly wisdom (sometimes).  My actions are perceived as selfless to many.  But there’s a lot of “I” in my heart.  There’s a big sister part of me that comes out - “Do as I say… for there is no other right way.” WRONG!  I have dreams for my future, a vision of the fruit of my labor, but if I am the only one in it there’s a problem. 

I remember opening up “Purpose Driven Life” and reading “It’s not about you.”  Really? (Yes Elise really.)

I count myself as very independent.  And it is not hard to notice.  I pride myself on holding my own (RED FLAG!).   Pride creeps in as a defense mechanism when I reflect and feel like I have been trekking by my lonesome.  The truth is I have not accomplished anything on my own.  I have always had parents, relatives, teachers, friends, employers, coworkers, counselors, mentors, and even some acquaintances, support me in some capacity.   And beyond those folks, I have had God with me the whole way.  I was (and am) never alone. 

So how can “my story” be just about me?  It can’t because it isn’t.

The Lord has been teaching me to place everything at his feet.  He can handle my future, my obstacles, my fears, and my sorrows.  He provides joy, and peace, and love.  I am not in this alone.

He says: “Trust me.” And I say: “I do.”