Spiritual Groaning

The great dog trainers (aka some man online and the guy at the pet store) tell me that Pepper must learn how to hold her waste.  I bought her a crate and I put her in it when I am out of the house so she learns to hold it and "go" outside when I come home.  On the weekends, I put her in the crate for a few hours to simulate the time I am away at work.  Well when I am home (outside of the crate) and out of her line of sight when she is in the crate, this girl has a FIT.  She starts crying, and whining, and progresses to barking.  Sometimes I talk to her when she's in there.  I say, "Pepper, you have to learn to pee pee outside.  Stop all that noise."  Pepper looks and then grumbles at me, like an adolescent talking back to her mom!  Sometimes the grumbles turn into groaning.  Her groaning is a mixture of a whimper and a low rumbling bark.  When she starts groaning, I know she's really upset.  (I leave her in the crate though!)

This morning, I was talking to God.  I told him that I am uncomfortable in this "naked" state; this intimacy is making me feel weak and powerless.  I want to say, "Don't look at me Lord. Stop it, stop it." I feel like running away.  At the same time, I hope that he sees me, all of me.  I want Him to cover me, and protect me.  I want to be bare in front of Him.  As I laid with Pepper asleep in the small "crawl space" between my back and the couch, I started groaning.  I don't want to be here, in this place with the idols and false coverings being removed, but at the same time I know I need to be here.  I know I need this place for growth.  I know I need this place in order to live as God intends for me to.

I groaned, I groaned, and I groaned.  My groans were a mixture of sobs and hums rumbling from my chest.  When I was all groaned out, my nose was snotty and my hair flat on one side.  I awoke from the groaning with my heart wide open though.  I began to remember promises that have been spoken over my life; they floated in and out of my thought world.  I began forming fresh ideas related to my future.  I put together a laundry list of things to pray about it.  Groaning broke down my defenses, and also stopped negative thoughts from holding me down.  I know Paul doesn't mention it in Ephesians 6, but groaning just might be a weapon I use in this spiritual battle for my mind, body, and soul.