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I remember the day like it was yesterday when I found
out my only brother passed away. I can't lie, I was confused. I never wanted to
question God and why He would let that happen because I knew God was in control.
However, I was hurt and lost. All I could think about was there had to be more
to life then this. My brother died and the world didn't stop even though my
heart almost did. I left work early that day and guess what? The work was going
to get done whether I was there or not. My little sister left school, but guess
what? The teacher was going to keep teaching. Nothing in this world changed,
nothing stopped, even though I felt like it should have. I held my pain in
until I couldn’t hold it in anymore then it all came out at once. I asked God, “Why…why
now he was only 30…is this all to life? Did he really live out his purpose for You?
I don’t understand…is it wrong for me to feel this way? I know this life is not about us but why does
this hurt so badly?”
I was getting ready to travel home to Chicago for the
wake and funeral. I cried a few times since I found out about my brother, but I
had not mourned yet. I was going on with my life because I was not ready to
deal with the pain. I wasn't ready because that meant I would have to talk to
God about it and I wasn’t ready. The day of the wake I was scared because that
meant this was the day it would become real to me. I was not ready for that
either. On the day of the wake, I just couldn’t look at my brother. My dad had
to walk me up to the casket and told me to look at him. He said, "Baby,
you need to mourn now so tomorrow you can be strong for others." I was
already crying, but when I finally look at my brother it was like my knees were
not holding me up anymore. It was my father. I was confused, hurt, and I just
didn't understand. All those angry questions came back to me at that moment. He was only 30! Why now? Did he live out his
purpose? Was this the life God wanted for him? All these questions were
running through my mind, but I forgot what was important. Shortly after crying
in my father's arms, he said, "Baby, remember God keeps His promises."
Right then, at that very moment, a peace came over me.
My heartbeat slowed down, my tears of sorrow became
tears of joy, and I started to smile. All I could think about was that I serve
a faithful God and He does keep His promises. I knew that my brother was living
a better life right now and I would see him again one day. That's a joy that no
one could ever take from me.
A few months later, I was visiting my friend's church.
It was the moment in the service where people could go to the altar and
give their sorrows and pain to God. I was sitting in my seat praying for my
love ones around me. All of a sudden, I heard this lady cry out, "Lord I can't
do it. They took my son, I can’t do it anymore." An instant emotion came
over me and I immediately started to cry. As I sat in my seat, I began to pray
for the lady. It made me think about my brother and how I felt the same hurt
she was experiencing. The Holy Sprit spoke to me,
he told me to share that peace he gave me at my brother wake with this lady (2
Corn 1:3-4). He told me to get up go to the altar and share it with her.
I can’t lie I was scared. How would this lady act when a person she never met
came to her in a time a pain? I prayed for the courage to go up there, and the
Holy Sprit provided that for me. I went to the altar where she was crying and
told her exactly what my dad told me. The Lord keeps His promises. She grabbed
my hand tight and her prayer changed from "I can't do this anymore"
to "God get me through this day." All you could see was the same
peace God gave me, He gave her. She slowly began to calm herself. At that very
moment, on that very day, I knew that my struggle and pain was for the glory of
God. The peace I received was just not for me, but also for this lady that I
never met.
The lady may have perceived me as a
blessing to her, but most of all she was a blessing to me. That experience
showed me the power of obedience. When we are obedient to God, this is how we
can bless others. Most of all, it showed me that my struggle was not about me.
The trials and tribulations we go through are not about us, but for the glory
of God. God puts us through thing even when we are not ready for them so we can remember to depend on Him and only Him. It is proof that Christ is so amazing and crazy faithful always and forever.
The Boyd
Sisters
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