The Hill

Post 50 - Free Flow

I have been defining myself by how others treat me.

I want to know who I am by God's design.  What does it mean to be a product of the creator?  What value does he see in me, his creation? 

When I truly begin to to know myself as he intended, how will I behave?  How then will others treat me?

I first need to know more about him.  I was birthed from him.  So what is he like?  What authority does he have?  What resources does he have access to?  What are his intentions?

If I seek, and subsequently find out that he is lovely, and all powerful, and that his intentions are good, does that mean that I am lovely?  With him, are all things possible... no, really?  He is good to me?  I can receive love from him?  I can love others too?

How will I treat others once I find out that they too are his creation?

Where do I start?  Oh right.  I need to know more about him.  More intimacy.  More Word.  More soaking.  More community.  Move into that oneness Elise.

Should I?  Does he even want to be with me?  What do I have to do to get to Him?  

I will just be... His. 

God sees my junk, knows more shortcomings, and still calls me His.  I look in the mirror and see the junk.  He looks me square in the eye and sees His son.  

Someone once told me that there's an eastern culture that believes that the first 50  years of life are just preparation; the last 50 years are a time to really live, to really enjoy the fruit.  At a conference I recently attended, someone told me that there's a time coming when I am going to be able to exercise, externally, all the things that God has been doing on the inside.  I think that starts with a re-imaging of who I am.   Not changing who I am.  But really understanding who God made me to be, the lovely stuff, and really carrying that on the outside so I can enjoy who He is, who I am, the gift I am to others, and the gift they are to me.  I am ready... I think. Eeek!