Caught Up

I try to do everything perfectly.  That's right, I am a perfectionist.

I recall my mother telling me that when I was younger and made an error on a homework assignment, I would tear the whole thing up and start all over again.

Yes, I am was that bad.

Today I find myself caught up in the same drive for perfection.  I want to be the perfect daughter, perfect worshipper, perfect girlfriend, perfect sister, perfect employee, neighbor, dog owner, etc.  I grow disheartened when I am forced to face correction, and even more so when it means that I have made a lasting mistake.

I fear disappointment.  I fear being a disappointment to others. (Remember that lie I carry around.)

But as I focus on the perfect outcome, I lose perspective.  My efforts don't approach glorifying God.  Instead I try to control everything in my own power.  I take the place of God.  I don't trust that He'll do it right, or that He'll forgive me when I mess up. Nope.  I want to avoid the whole mess of error and correction. But if I do that, I am stagnant.

Every parent knows that if a child is left up to his or her own devices, he or she would be a feral creature.  Parenting requires exercising discipline to ensure children develop into functioning adults.  Well, the same with my heavenly Father I'm finding.  I make mistakes and his gentle, guiding hand disciplines me.  I do not have to fear that.  It means he loves me! And considers me His own.

So, I can chill.  And live life - full of the risks described by poet William Arthur Ward.  God is with me.  He is with me.