Not It

My 15 year old sister is with me for a few weeks.  My television has been taken hostage, and I now know a few Justin Bieber songs.  Yes, "Catching Feelings" is one of my favs now.  In her enthusiasm, she decided to write letters home to friends and family.  In her letter to our mother she remarked that I, in my job, "do a lot for the community - especially low-income people."

I love my job.  I would not want be doing anything else at this stage in my life.

But, as I sat in my cubicle some weeks ago I thought to myself, "This is not it."

In college, the mini-sermons we received usually revolved around finding your purpose.  We all just knew that our purpose was tied to our college coursework, so we stressed and complained until we found a major that was the best fit.  And those of those with ministry interest just knew that the only way to truly serve God was to join the divine order - go to divinity school and become a pastor.

Ha!

In graduate school, as I neared death from burn out, I was encouraged to apply to PhD programs.  I tried to.  I, in a cubicle, cried as I began applications at five prominent programs.  I never finished those applications.  I only started them because I heard the following:
1. "Well you wont really make any money these days without a PhD."
2. "There wont be a position that you will not be qualified for. No glass ceiling"
3. "You'll be able to get to the decision-making table faster."
4. "You'll be finished with school before 30."

Ha!

Compelling arguments indeed but I don't care.  A PhD would be wonderful , but again, that's not it.  My value is not tied to my degree.  And in fact, I am learning that my God-given purpose has nothing at all to do with public health.

Public health is a mechanism to be used to reach others, but I am here to serve the Lord, expand the kingdom for his glory.

So, until an angel appears to me in a dream and tells me to apply to PhD programs, or the Lord sends that sweet peace about it, I will not be applying.

My job is not it.  A degree is not it.  What's the one thing? What's the one thing?  Psalm 27:4 reads, "One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to enquire in his temple."

I am going to continue developing my spiritual gifts.  I am going to continue writing about nothing and everything.  I am going to continue walking in forgiveness, love, and the fruit of the spirit.  To stand and behold his beauty, that's what I want to live for.  I want to access his lap of love and victory, and let him father and nurture me.  I want to be whole and accessible for this kingdom work.

I prefer kingdom "work" because it's less about "doing" and more about "being".  I just want to be.  I don't want to be measured by degrees.  Do I lose my value and sense of worth when I access and then (possibly) lose a job position?  No.  My identity is in Him.  My spiritual position is defined.  I am a warrior, a princess, a daughter, royalty.  That's it.