Measuring Success

So you know that thing that happens when you change your profile picture.  You keep revisiting Facebook to see how many more people have liked your picture since you last checked.

Measuring beauty and likability in numbers...

The same with sharing an inspired post.  How many have seen? How many shares?  How many?  What's the number?
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We sat in the conference, stunned, overwhelmed by all the kingdom wisdom concerning leadership that had been shared with us.  We were soaking up the truth about Nehemiah, and giving feedback in the context of love and value.  We revisited prophetic personalities; are you a knower, seer, hearer, or feeler?  I heard, "All increase in my life is to serve better.  If I am not in a position to serve (in my heart) then the increase will hurt."  I was stung when we talked about forgiveness, releasing our offenders to turn our betrayals into promotion.  And then we came to this - 

"Are you measuring your success by numbers or by presence?  Are you living off the praise of man?"

"When you eat at the table of the fear of man, it tastes sweet at first but the digestion is bitter.  When you eat at the table of God, it may taste bitter at first, but the digestion is sweet."

BOOM!

In all that I do, whether it's enjoying God's beauty (in myself, others, nature) or developing a public health program, am I measuring success based on the evaluation of something external to God?  Am I measuring my growth by the number of "atta-girl" exclamations and pats on the head I receive?

Don't get me wrong, there is value when we esteem one another.  But is that the only source of comfort I get?

I have learned that growing in God is extremely... did I say extremely, yes, ok... extremely uncomfortable.  That's the bitter part.  But then the sweetness falls from heaven when I walk in step with him, trusting him, delighting in this love affair, knowing that every single thing is working out for my good.   

Moral of the story:  Forget all those Facebook likes and page views.  I toast to God, and in return he showers me with all the esteem I need. I scour the Word for his truth and listen intently for him to speak.  I trust and obey, and leave all the consequences to him.

The Hill

Post 50 - Free Flow

I have been defining myself by how others treat me.

I want to know who I am by God's design.  What does it mean to be a product of the creator?  What value does he see in me, his creation? 

When I truly begin to to know myself as he intended, how will I behave?  How then will others treat me?

I first need to know more about him.  I was birthed from him.  So what is he like?  What authority does he have?  What resources does he have access to?  What are his intentions?

If I seek, and subsequently find out that he is lovely, and all powerful, and that his intentions are good, does that mean that I am lovely?  With him, are all things possible... no, really?  He is good to me?  I can receive love from him?  I can love others too?

How will I treat others once I find out that they too are his creation?

Where do I start?  Oh right.  I need to know more about him.  More intimacy.  More Word.  More soaking.  More community.  Move into that oneness Elise.

Should I?  Does he even want to be with me?  What do I have to do to get to Him?  

I will just be... His. 

God sees my junk, knows more shortcomings, and still calls me His.  I look in the mirror and see the junk.  He looks me square in the eye and sees His son.  

Someone once told me that there's an eastern culture that believes that the first 50  years of life are just preparation; the last 50 years are a time to really live, to really enjoy the fruit.  At a conference I recently attended, someone told me that there's a time coming when I am going to be able to exercise, externally, all the things that God has been doing on the inside.  I think that starts with a re-imaging of who I am.   Not changing who I am.  But really understanding who God made me to be, the lovely stuff, and really carrying that on the outside so I can enjoy who He is, who I am, the gift I am to others, and the gift they are to me.  I am ready... I think. Eeek!

Low Storage

This weird looking symbol showed up on the top of my phone. It looks like a paint brush and a palette.  However, I think it's supposed to be a disc and an exclamation point.  At any rate, it appeared to tell me that my phone is running low on storage space.

 Well, I know the culprit.  It's my gallery.  I have 200+ photos on my smartphone and I have not even considered saving them somewhere else, or, heaven forbid, printing them out.
   
I immediately began scrolling through the photos.  There's my baby cousin Heaven; I can track her development from infancy to toddler-hood.  There are the mirror pics I've taken with my sisters.  "Why does Ava have my sweatshirt on???  Hmph!"  There are the selfies before special events - that Rihanna concert was great by the way - and the pictures I took of all the fish at the aquarium.  Good times!

 
 

Then there are the pics from all my adventures.  There's the hike up Stone Mountain, Julie's wedding in Boston, my road trip to Kansas City, the Blue Ridge Mountains, Cali, Tennessee.  And all of my pics feature rolling hills, mountain  landscapes, and these expansive, incredible views of cities and places of significance in my life.
 
And I ponder.  

I am reminded of God's whisper - "You're an overcomer."

Every mountain ridge in each photo reminds me of the journey to get up, to climb out of the rut.  The photos also remind me that there's something beautiful up top.  The view, the air, the quiet, the peace, the beauty... it's accessible.  It's worth it.  I wouldn't appreciate it without the stumbles on the journey up, would I?  Nope. 

There's a big picture in the midst of every hardship isn't there?  There's a way he can make the pain beautiful isn't there?  As I drudge through I have to remember His view, his beautiful mountain view.

Now I'm excited!  Let me clear these old photos out because the ones to come are going to be INCREDIBLE!  #nofilter

 

Overcomer

I heard about the rice experiement.  The "researcher" places rice, from the same bag or what have you, in two jars.  The rice is stored for a set amount of time, let's say a few weeks.  One rice jar is continuously told, "You are good rice.  You are valuable".  The other jar is told, "You are bad rice."  After a few weeks, the rice jars are examined. The "good rice" is thriving.  The "bad rice" is moldy and only fit for disposal. 

Well I was having a "bad rice" moment a few days ago.  I was stuck in one of those mental ruts again.  I was like, "I am not going to make it through these feelings."  And then I heard something.  I knew it was Him.  With this newfound intimacy with Him, I can recognize his voice.  He said, "You're an overcomer."

And that was it.  That was all I needed to hear.  I looked up and said, "Oh yeah.  That's right.  I'm an overcomer. This is temporary.  I am going to make it.  I am going to make it through debt, and feelings of regret.  I'm an overcomer."

He wants to see me thrive.  I forget that sometimes.  Thanks for the reminder Papa God!

Watching Her Grow

Pepper Jane Lockamy, my little honey bunches of oats, has learned how to jump up on the couch without any assistance. Yes, she is now tall enough to disturb my naps when she wants some snuggle time.

And I am so proud! 

It has been an absolute delight to watch her grow.  Once a month I find myself loosening her collar so that it's not too tight around her neck.  Soon, I'll be enlarging her crate so she has more room to stretch.

After observing this latest couch feat, I got to thinking, "Is the Father as delighted to watch me grow?"

In my walk, I sometimes come to these places where I get frustrated with God.  "Lord, what's up with this process?" "Why wont you just give me everything now so I don't have to deal with all of this?"

I am learning that it's in the trials and perseverance that I 1) grow closer to him, 2) develop better relationships with those around me (since I can't do everything myself), and 3) find out that I have these wonderful gifts and talents within me.

I like to imagine that as I step out in faith, make myself vulnerable, and allow his love to fill me, that he's watching, saying, "That's my girl! I am so proud!"