Priority Ranking

I love how we think we're showing how devoted we are by saying - "I put God first".

I recently read a sound bite from a CEO who said, "My priorities are God, family, and then work."

My personality (an INTJ for those curious) is definitely prone to wanting to make checklists, and keep (thousandsssss) of post-it notes. 

But seriously, how dare I keep a running list of where God is in my life, even if He is at the top.

God is not number one in my life; GOD IS MY LIFE.


He breathed life into me.  (My heart beats because He ordains it so.)

Everything else is encompassed therein.

Lord, you don't get a ranking; you can have it all.

Older Women, You're Beautiful!

Why don't older women know how beautiful they are?

A co-worker approached me sometime last week.  She was admiring my full head of hair.  (I'm telling you, my hair has more friends than I do.)  She went on to tell me that she has hired a personal trainer, began a chemical hair growth process, and is saving up for plastic surgery to slim down her nose and pull back her skin.  At the end of the conversation she said: "Yea, I'm trying to keep up with you young girls, you pretty young girls."

And I thought to myself, "why?"

Older women are so beautiful to me.  And it doesn't stem from their looks and clothing, although that often is the case too.  It's something about their presence. 

Have you ever seen a confident older woman operate a meeting? BOSS!

Have you ever seen a confident older woman fight for justice at her child's school or even in the supermarket? BOSS!

When I see an older woman, I see someone who has overcome the abuses of adolescence,the uncertainties of being a twenty-something, the glass ceilings in the work place and in the church, and the juggling act that happens in the home.  These women have survived (both complicated and uncomplicated) pregnancies, supported their men through their dreams and career transitions, raised more than one generation of future citizens (and has even stood by them when they couldn't act right), and risked vulnerability to provide wisdom to us young women who fail to see through the fallacies of unrealistic worldly expectations and men who mean us harm.

And seeing how they have struggled, and provided, and overcome, and remained confident shows me the measure of unselfish, unconditional love they have in their hearts.  It also shows me how much the Father loves them.  He equipped them with all of that?! Wow.  I see heart, triumph, and beauty.  True beauty.  

Why don't they see it?????

Are You Sure You Know Me?

 
• "Well you just really need to find your passion. You need to really find what drives you." (Ummmm got that already.)
• "Yea, you look like the player-type."  (HA! Not today and not ever. Sorry.)
• "You want some wine?" (Actually, I'll take a double shot of vodka on the rocks.)
• "Your apartment is so clean." (Today. Yes. I know how to clean.  But there are those days during the week when you'll find a cereal bowl in my bathroom and my bra in the kitchen! LOL)
• "I know you don't curse." (Obviously you've never been a passenger in my car when I'm driving through ATL traffic.)
• "You're very graceful!" (Seriously now.  I turn corners too fast and bump into walls.)
• "You know that song by [insert soft rock musician or contemporary Christian artists name here]? (Ok, so I'm really all about Classic Soul, R&B, and Hip Hop.  I'm branching out little by little. Don't judge me. lol)

First Born Daughters, Give it a Rest Already!

I was talking to an advisor the other day.  I was retelling a story and I said, "Yeah, my parents have two daughters!" And she responded, "They have three daughters."  

o_O

And my mouth fell wide open.  I have two younger sisters.  I had forgotten to count myself as a child of my parents.  That slip was indeed very telling.

When describing the relationship I have with my sisters I always mention that I am indeed both older sister and second mommy.  I took (and still take) my "overseer" responsibilities very seriously when it comes to them. I want to protect them from hurt, harm, and danger.  With three girls, I am certain my mother needed the help and did not mind having me step into that role.  Unfortunately, in that role, I have (obviously) forgotten that I have access to my mother's protection, guidance, and nurturing too.

It's funny.  Most of my closest female friends turn out to be older sisters too. We struggle with that sibling/mother line.  And when we don't, we feel like we should be doing more.  I recently told a friend that it wasn't her job to call her sister's school to help move along her admission process.  We are not mothers yet, but we act like them; and we, like our own mothers, forget to take time to care for ourselves.

But you know what, I have to live my life; and living my life includes resting - not worrying and coordinating, resting. 

My sisters are going to be okay.  Their total security is not in my hands.  Let me say this to myself for emphasis - Elise, you do not control the universe.  My sisters will grow up, covered and hidden in the shadow of God's wings.  He has a perfect plan for their lives and it is all taken care of.  God's got them.  He's got me.  And He never forgets that we're His daughters.  Never.

So, to all my fellow big sisters, stand up... and give it a rest. Hebrews 4:1-13

What Me and Queen Bey Have in Common

Beyonce and I have a love-hate "relationship".

She records songs that I love! But I hate that she has a huge ego. This woman went on and on in a GQ article about her "power".  I have heard her talk about building her "empire".  She recently released a song telling all of her subjects to "bow down b*tches".  (Bey, that's enough now.)

But like Beyonce, I too have an ego problem.  

It's customary for me to pray before traveling.  On my recent trip to Boston though, instead of praying, I made a declaration.  I thought to myself, "Everyone on this plane is lucky that I am here.  God is with me and because I am his daughter nothing is going to happen to this plane.  Ha! They are so lucky."

ROTFL!

Now, on the surface, the declaration seems innocent enough.  I am confident that God has things covered.  I believe in his power and authority, and I believe that he's going to protect me as I travel.  See, but I made the declaration conditional; I made God's protection conditional on my presence on the plane. I forgot that -

God is sovereign. 

 

Instead of approaching the throne of grace with an air of humility, I arrogantly placed myself on the throne.  (Elise, do better.)

If I had a chance for a re-do, it would go something like:
"Heavenly Father, I come humbly before you Oh Lord, thanking you for another opportunity to rest in your presence.  Thank you for hearing my prayer.  Thank you for keeping this plane in the air.  Send your angels to rest on the wings and in the engines.  Guide the pilots and the flight attendants.  Holy Spirit, bring an air of peace and comfort to all of the passengers.  I am believing you oh God for a safe take-off and landing.  Thank you for your love.  In Jesus' mighty name, Amen."

And Amen, and Amen, and Amen again!

Stop Giving Me "The Look"

Outsider: So where are you from?

Me: I'm from Brooklyn.  Brooklyn, New York.

Outsider: Funny, you don't sound like a New Yorker.

Me: Well I try to disguise it.  If I'm around other New Yorkers or I get really angry the accent makes a come-back!  

(All parties laugh.)

Outsider: Do you still have family up there?

Me: Yup! My dad is a UPS truck driver.  He drives from New York to Texas each week.  A few years ago though my mom moved to North Carolina.  She's there with my two younger sisters.

(Enter "The Look")

The scene plays out exactly the same way, every time.  Every.single.time.

The "outsider" realizes my parents are divorced and then proceeds to look at me with an expression of sorrow and surprise.  The outsider most likely has both parents at home - notice I did not say two happily married parents.  I am guessing that the outsider is saddened by the thought that I grew up in a "broken" home and is also wondering how I turned out to be a (mostly) emotionally stable, intellectually sound, and normatively functioning adult.

I go on to clarify, if I am in the mood, that my parents were married for most of my life.  I let the person know that they divorced when I was in college and that I do not know the whole story.

Would I prefer that my parents were still together? Yes.

Was I bruised from the break-up? Yes.

Is there still that part of me that wishes they would get back together? Yes. (But I am not going to be completely thrilled if they do reconcile. "You did all of that just to get back together?! Psh!")

Do I think I have missed out anything because of their story? No. 

It bothers me when people ask about my mother and sisters and forget to ask about my dad.  He's still around.  I have known him all my life.  Our relationship is better today than it ever has been.  Stop assuming my dad was or is absent.  It is not true. 

I will not lie and say the adjustment to being primary caregiver to my sisters was easy on my mother.  It was not.  But she did not do it alone.  She has support in North Carolina.  And New York  makes sure she receives her financial support on time too! (My father hasn't shrunk away from that responsibility either.)  She's not another single black mom.  She's my mother.  And she's a fighter.


We all carry brokenness.  Christians should know this well.  Maybe your parents did not divorce, but there may have been abuse in your home that you carry now.  Stop looking at me as if my story is any different from yours.  I am human too.  Our Heavenly Father told me that all things - every single thing - would work together for my good.  I believe that.  Believe that for me too!

So in the words and tone of my feisty mother - knock it off - ahem nockitawff - and stop looking at me like that!

Still Hiding

Rejection.

I have experienced it. And it hurts.  Sometimes it's in the form of "we regret to inform you".  Other times it's more like "I think we should just be friends".  In any form or fashion it hurts.  And in my case, it reaffirms long-held beliefs that I am just not worth it - it being the time, effort, resources, chance, etc.

(Well that was sobering.)

Since my move to Atlanta, I have experienced tremendous moves of God deep down in my soul.  I can rest well at night.  My pursuits can be characterized as less "striving" and more "trusting".  I can look in the mirror now and see a reflection that I like, and know that I am delighted in by the Most High.

But sometimes the lies creep back up.  Situations arise and the lies take the form of truths.  And when this happens, I start running. I run away and hide.  I dress down, veil my beauty, in order to lessen attention that could lead to another bout of rejection.  I decline offers from friends to hangout, or rather I plan events by myself, in order to not be a bother to others and save myself from future abandonment.  I soothe the wounds through avoidance.  The running, hiding, and avoiding is rooted in FEAR.  

In the book "Captivating", the authors write that a woman desires to be pursued - tell me something I don't know - and also to be a main character in an adventure.  As I am apt to do, I have begun planning my career adventure as far as ten years down the road.  It involves taking on assignments at various health departments and public health institutions in different states, requiring a move every two years.  Sounds good right?

And then I read what the authors of the aforementioned book write - "And to every woman [Satan] has whispered, "You are alone," or "When they see who you really are, you will be alone," or "No one will ever truly come for you."

My desire to keep moving around or move far away is not new.  Ask my college friends; back then I was determined to move to Hawaii although all I had ever known was the East Coast.  I see now that I want to keep moving so that no one will ever catch up to me and have enough time to develop a relationship with and then reject me.  I want to keep running so that I will never have to be still and feel that no one is coming for me.  I do not want to consign this finding to just possible romantic companionship.  I am talking about friendships, business partnerships, and deeper relationships with family members too!

I would be a fool to think that this running and hiding is limited to my earthly relationships.  It affects my relationship with God as well.  He asked me to stop running and hiding from him.  He said - "Look at me.  Come to me.  I am here."

I am reminded by Shannon Ethridge, other believers, and the Word of God that there is a radiance on the inside of every woman - including me!  It is hidden, and through relationship it is developed and able to shine at its brightest.  Not everyone sees it, wants it, or deems it valuable or worthy, but that does not make it less so.  

(See, when I signed up for this Christian thing nobody told me it would require uncovering wounds and asking God for healing.  I thought everything would just be smooth sailing.  I thought the baggage was taken care of when I said to the Lord, "I do." I need to have a talk with those admission officers! Haha)

So what does this mean going forward?  Do I stop planning for this adventurous career?  Once my year off is complete, do I accept more date invitations?  Should I, Ms. Independent, limit my alone time? Ugh.

I don't know.

Psalm 18 just leaped into my mind.  The Psalmist writes "¹⁶ He sent from above, He took me; He drew me out of many waters.¹⁷ He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from them that hated me, for they were too strong for me.¹⁸ They came against me in the day of my calamity; but the Lord was my stay.¹⁹ He brought me forth also into a large place; He delivered me, because He delighted in me."

My Healer can deliver me from the waters of hurt and rejection.  Satan tells me lies.  God delivers me from them.  The Lord delights in me.  I am humbled when reminded that Jesus knew rejection all too well.  He knows my pain and is well equipped to handle it.  I do not have to run.  He wants me.  He runs toward me to rescue me from calamity.  I do not have to be afraid. 

Now that sounds quite romantic and adventurous to me!