Stop Giving Me "The Look"

Outsider: So where are you from?

Me: I'm from Brooklyn.  Brooklyn, New York.

Outsider: Funny, you don't sound like a New Yorker.

Me: Well I try to disguise it.  If I'm around other New Yorkers or I get really angry the accent makes a come-back!  

(All parties laugh.)

Outsider: Do you still have family up there?

Me: Yup! My dad is a UPS truck driver.  He drives from New York to Texas each week.  A few years ago though my mom moved to North Carolina.  She's there with my two younger sisters.

(Enter "The Look")

The scene plays out exactly the same way, every time.  Every.single.time.

The "outsider" realizes my parents are divorced and then proceeds to look at me with an expression of sorrow and surprise.  The outsider most likely has both parents at home - notice I did not say two happily married parents.  I am guessing that the outsider is saddened by the thought that I grew up in a "broken" home and is also wondering how I turned out to be a (mostly) emotionally stable, intellectually sound, and normatively functioning adult.

I go on to clarify, if I am in the mood, that my parents were married for most of my life.  I let the person know that they divorced when I was in college and that I do not know the whole story.

Would I prefer that my parents were still together? Yes.

Was I bruised from the break-up? Yes.

Is there still that part of me that wishes they would get back together? Yes. (But I am not going to be completely thrilled if they do reconcile. "You did all of that just to get back together?! Psh!")

Do I think I have missed out anything because of their story? No. 

It bothers me when people ask about my mother and sisters and forget to ask about my dad.  He's still around.  I have known him all my life.  Our relationship is better today than it ever has been.  Stop assuming my dad was or is absent.  It is not true. 

I will not lie and say the adjustment to being primary caregiver to my sisters was easy on my mother.  It was not.  But she did not do it alone.  She has support in North Carolina.  And New York  makes sure she receives her financial support on time too! (My father hasn't shrunk away from that responsibility either.)  She's not another single black mom.  She's my mother.  And she's a fighter.


We all carry brokenness.  Christians should know this well.  Maybe your parents did not divorce, but there may have been abuse in your home that you carry now.  Stop looking at me as if my story is any different from yours.  I am human too.  Our Heavenly Father told me that all things - every single thing - would work together for my good.  I believe that.  Believe that for me too!

So in the words and tone of my feisty mother - knock it off - ahem nockitawff - and stop looking at me like that!